A Look at Your Money Operating System
We may wish it weren't so, but money is a big deal in our lives. We work for it, worry about it, and sometimes win it. Money is involved when we are born, educated, married, and pass on. Being good with money is valued in our society. Having more than enough money is part of the American dream. Our economic system is based on growth and development, which usually translates into more and more. And the "more" usually means money.
We come to believe that being good with money is an innate trait somewhat akin to IQ. Some people are good with money and the rest of us just don't get it. Some people seem to come from families that taught them how to "do it," while other families don't seem to have much to offer. Many of us who feel we're not good with money also feel we're not good with numbers. It also seems the old adage, "Them's that got are them's that get," explains how some folks started with more than we did, so that must be why they're doing so well now.
It's very curious that in a society so involved with money there is no formal training available in its wise use. Few ever had a personal finance course offered in high school or college. Some remember playing store in grade school, learning to count and give change. Some remember being taught how to write a check in home economics class. A few of those home ec classes briefly covered household budgeting. Business majors in college may have taken a course in financial accounting or investments. Nevertheless, I rarely hear of a comprehensive course being offered to young people or adults in personal financial management. How strange it is.
Yet, we all grow up dealing with money daily in a myriad of ways. We have to. We have had to develop our own guidelines and do our own learning. For the most part, we have learned by watching how money was handled in our families of origin; for the most part, that has been a case of "the blind leading the blind." Parents are not even aware they are teaching those watching children. We also learned about money from comic books, stories, teachers, church, our friends and their parents, our family legends, the radio and television shows, and advertising, to name only a few.
So, consider what you may have learned as a child! You may have learned that the man earns the money and the wife spends it. If your family was struggling financially, you may have learned that your family had strong values and love that were missing in those rich families on the other side of town. You were probably told loud and clear that it is not o.k. to ask or to talk about money! Especially if your family was better off than others were, you learned not to show it. This became confusing double message. The purpose of life is to acquire as much money as possible, so you can attain a higher status and respect in society. Yet you wouldn't want anyone to know what you had or to be seen as a "show-off"! You may have been further confused by parents who showed differing money styles... one might have been thrifty, even a hoarder, while the other might have been happily spending and acquiring. Such families have a lot of tension around money issues.
Each person has a different scenario, some more confusing, some more self-limiting. These experiences and scenes form the core of your personal belief system about you and money. This is your Money Operating System, or MOS. Like DOS, the common computer operating system, it forms the basis of your relationship with money. You automatically refer to your MOS when you deal with money. It tells you when to worry that you won't have enough, when you need to buy, buy, and buy! It tells you how to use money to gain and use power in relationships. It tells you how good you can feel about yourself in this world of achievement and success. It even tells you how to price your services!
Your MOS was formed pretty unconsciously in your early years. This belief system is firmly established in most children by the age of 14. After that, because you were not supposed to talk about money, your MOS has been pretty much have accepted without question. You may assume others around you have the same beliefs and values about money. This shows up when you undercharge for your work believing that your clients would not pay the "real" price.
As an adult, especially running your own business, you may find yourself in life situations that reflect back to you clearly about your relationship with money. You may discover that dealing with money is uncomfortable in some ways or that your approach to money is quite self-limiting or self-defeating. You may find you are tired of always worrying about money, being chronically in debt or never able to make a living profit through your practice. Bring your attention to your MOS and decide to take a closer look. You may find some of your beliefs no longer serve you.
It is good in these times to examine your MOS, as you never have before. It is most helpful to begin to talk about it. Perhaps you can begin some discussion in therapy or support groups, or with friends or family. You can explore your money background and your learnings about money to discover what the really operative beliefs are. You may find help in books and classes about money issues or money management. Try to identify which beliefs are limiting your formation of a healthy relationship with money. Begin to replace them with more helpful beliefs through the use of affirmations and visualization and other manifestation techniques. Perhaps most helpful would be finding a money mentor, someone who seems to "do money" comfortably and who is willing to share with you. You have your own personal tools you know will work for you in creating and supporting change. When you begin with the intention to change for the positive and believe in your vision, you can do it! It is time to begin.
